In many Christian homes, the word submission has become almost synonymous with what a wife owes her husband. Ephesians 5:22 is frequently quoted in sermons, marriage counselling sessions and domestic disagreements to remind women of their responsibility to submit.

Yet, a closer examination of the entire passage reveals that the New Testament’s teaching on marriage is much richer than a one-sided demand for compliance.

The question is not whether the Bible instructs wives to submit to their husbands. It does. The more important question is whether Christians are reading the entire passage and allowing its instructions to shape both partners.

In his teaching on marriage, respected Nigerian Christian teacher, Brother Gbile Akanni, draws attention to a verse that is often overlooked in discussions of marital submission: Ephesians 5:21, which instructs believers to submit to one another in the fear of God.

His exposition challenges the assumption that a husband’s position as head of the home means he must never yield to his wife’s counsel.

The Verse That Changes The Conversation

Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

The next verse instructs wives to submit to their husbands. But the preceding verse matters because it establishes the context in which Paul’s instructions to Christian households are presented.

In his teaching, Akanni explains that when a wife offers a sound perspective and her husband recognises its wisdom, accepting it does not make him less of a man. Neither does it mean that his wife has usurped his authority. Rather, he has recognised the value God may have placed in his wife’s understanding.

This is a significant challenge to a culture in which some men equate leadership with always having the final word, never admitting error and refusing to accept correction from their wives.

A husband does not lose his dignity by listening. He does not surrender his identity by acknowledging that his wife may be right. And he does not diminish his leadership by making a decision that incorporates her wisdom.

Biblical marriage should not become a competition over whose opinion must prevail. It should be a partnership in which both spouses seek God’s wisdom.

Submission Not A Battle Of Conditions

Another important theme in Akanni’s teaching is the relationship between a wife’s submission and a husband’s love.

Ephesians 5:22 addresses wives, while verse 25 commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it. The two instructions cannot responsibly be separated when discussing the responsibilities of Christian marriage.

A dangerous pattern emerges when a husband says, “Let her submit first before I love her,” while his wife responds, “Let him love me first before I submit.”

Both become entrenched in their expectations of the other. Each waits for the other to make the first move. Meanwhile, the unity and spiritual purpose of the marriage suffer.

Akanni’s teaching challenges couples to pursue oneness rather than remain locked in this standoff. The purpose of the biblical instructions is not to provide each spouse with ammunition against the other, but to help them fulfil God’s purpose for their union.

This does not mean that every disagreement can be resolved by pretending that both partners have behaved well. It means that neither partner should use the other’s shortcomings as a permanent excuse for neglecting their own responsibilities before God.

What Does It Mean For A Man To Be The Head?

Some Christians argue that if a husband is the head of his wife, he must always have his way. But Ephesians 5:23–25 presents Christ’s relationship with the Church as the model for understanding the husband’s responsibility.

The husband is described as the head, and he is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.

This places an extraordinary responsibility on him. Christ’s example is one of self-giving love, not selfish entitlement.

A husband who insists on being obeyed but refuses to listen should examine whether his conduct reflects the character of Christ. A man who demands respect but regularly humiliates his wife should consider whether he is honouring the person entrusted to his care.

Even among Christians who affirm distinct roles for husbands and wives, headship cannot reasonably be treated as permission for cruelty, intimidation or unchecked personal power.

Leadership in marriage must be accompanied by responsibility, understanding, self-control and love.

A Wife Is Not A Threat To Her Husband

One of the most practical lessons from Akanni’s teaching is that a wife can contribute meaningfully to the direction of her home without undermining her husband’s role.

A wife may see a danger her husband has overlooked. She may identify a financial risk, offer a better approach to parenting, raise a spiritual concern or suggest a decision that ultimately benefits the entire family.

What Should A Godly Husband Do?

He should listen, weigh her counsel and seek God’s wisdom. If her counsel is sound, he should be willing to accept it.

Marriage does not require a woman to become intellectually silent in order to demonstrate submission. Nor should a man regard every disagreement as an act of rebellion.

The ability to listen is not weakness. The humility to reconsider a decision is not defeat. And the willingness to learn from one’s spouse is not a loss of authority.

A home becomes stronger when both partners can contribute honestly without fear that every difference of opinion will become a struggle for power.

The Greater Purpose: Oneness

The ultimate concern of Christian marriage should not be which partner wins an argument, but whether the couple is growing in unity and fulfilling God’s purpose together.

Genesis 2:24 speaks of two becoming one flesh. Ephesians 5 returns to this mystery and connects marriage to the relationship between Christ and the Church.

This is why the conversation about submission must move beyond isolated instructions and consider the purpose of the union itself.

If a husband insists on his way at every turn while disregarding his wife’s counsel, how will they cultivate genuine partnership? If a wife treats every expression of leadership as an attack on her independence, how will they develop the trust required to build a shared life?

These questions call for humility from both partners.

Mutual submission does not necessarily mean that every Christian tradition understands the roles of husband and wife identically. But it does require Christians to take seriously the full passage of Scripture, including the husband’s command to love sacrificially and the instruction to submit to one another in the fear of God.

Submission, Not An Excuse For Abuse

It is also important to distinguish biblical submission from unquestioning compliance with wrongdoing.

A wife is not required to pretend that abuse is acceptable, surrender her safety or abandon her conscience to prove her spirituality. Physical violence, coercion and intimidation cannot be justified by quoting Scripture about marital roles.

Christian love and respect do not eliminate accountability. Seeking help when a marriage becomes unsafe is not a denial of faith.

The same Scripture that calls couples to honour their relationship must be read in a way that takes seriously human dignity, righteousness and the character of Christ.

Final Note

The discussion about submission in marriage will remain incomplete as long as Ephesians 5:22 is emphasised while verses 21 and 25 are neglected.

Brother Akanni’s teaching offers a useful reminder that a husband can listen to his wife, receive her wisdom and submit to a sound perspective without losing his manhood. It also challenges couples who make love and submission conditional upon the other person’s behaviour, rather than pursuing the oneness that marriage is meant to cultivate.

The Bible does instruct wives to submit to their husbands. It also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. And before either instruction appears, the passage calls believers to submit to one another in the fear of God.

Perhaps, the question every Christian husband should ask is not only, “Is my wife submitting to me?” but also, “Am I loving her as Christ loves the Church, and am I humble enough to receive the wisdom God may be speaking through her?”

For a marriage that professes Christ, submission should never be reduced to a demand that one person must always yield while the other never listens.

The goal is not merely to establish who is in charge. It is to build a marriage in which both partners honour God, serve each another faithfully and grow together in the purpose for which they were joined.